apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
