This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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