I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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