I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
