I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The power of my boobs compel you
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
