piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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