You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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