walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
