Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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