the condom got lost in my hair
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
