Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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