The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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