I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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