I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
