I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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