why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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