a queef is a wish your heart makes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
