Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
