Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
