My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
