He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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