her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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