im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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