i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
