Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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