My hand turned me down
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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