You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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