then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
