How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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