ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
jump out the window naked night went bad
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