My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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