I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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