So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
