ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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