Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
