she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
