it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
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I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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