I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
