I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
