You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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