I must be too annoying 4 u.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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