We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
