ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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