I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
