Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
