I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
