me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
