your thong is hanging out like whoa
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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