I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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