paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
