when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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