u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Enjoy the penises
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
