it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
