How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
