I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
