I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's blow job season.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
