dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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