We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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