If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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