have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
