She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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