If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
