I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
