We're like a lot better than the average bears
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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