i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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