i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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