the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
