Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
