You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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