at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
