Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm just crazy horny about you
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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