even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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