he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
