I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
