I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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