I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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