just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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