So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
