My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
